Saturday, April 11, 2015

i was born that way?

i was born with a desire for carbs.  i love bread!!!!  i have struggled with this and its resulting effect on my figure for my whole life.  if i wasn't born that way, then being exposed to overeating of bread or other carbs  in my formative years contributed to my sinful desires for bread/carbs in my life.

i have a problem.  too much carbs in my life is not healthy for me.  it's just not good for me.  it is an unhealthy lifestyle.  some people might even say its a sin because sometimes i eat too much bread even though i know its wrong.  it very well may be.

now.....should all of the skinny, non-carb addicted people in the world despise me as a person and punish me by throwing rocks at me?  should they "create" laws specifically designed to punish me for this?

the answer is no.


should i force them to accept my carb addiction as an acceptable way of life?  teach the little kiddos that eating too many carbs is okay and normal?  should i make it illegal for anyone to speak out against the practice of over indulging in carbs?  should i humiliate them into silence about the dangers of a carb-filled lifestyle?

also the answer is no.

i need help!!  be my friend.  love me as you should love your neighbor.  and pray for me to overcome my carb loving lifestyle.  i know that with willpower and focusing on the way that God would want me to live my life to honor him that i would be humble and work toward being selfless in every area of my life.

including my attraction to bread..

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

it's not about LOVE

they like to call it a "love" issue.

if you are against people loving one another, then you are a hater.

heck, even Jesus preached a message of  "love one another".

so christians, how can you believe that it is wrong to "love one another" ?

well.....we can believe that it is wrong, in regards to homosexuality, because it's not about love.'s about sex.

it's about what scripture says is normal, natural, God designed

as opposed to what man says is normal or man designed.

(now don't make me quote scripture here.  we all know it's there)

it's about what scripture tells us is wrong, ungodly, detestable.

('s in there)

no one in scripture ever came right out and asked Jesus about sexual relations between the same sex because they already knew the answer.  duh. (sodom and gomorrah were real to them)

so, if today, in 2015, Jesus came back and we could ask Him to elaborate His thoughts on this topic, He would give us His answer, probably in a parable which would refer us back to the scriptures.
(again, we all know which ones, don't make me quote.....but  i will if asked to nicely)

He would tell us to "love one another" and not to judge or condemn anyone, while at the same time He would tell us to avoid sin and the appearance of sin.  and.........................

..........................homosexuality is a sin.

yup...................lumped in there with lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, murder, drunkenness, and other sexual sins.  sin comes in many forms and lust for the same sex is one of them.


then there is the woman at the well.  the adulterer.  a sin.  Jesus told her that He did not condemn her.  He was paying the penalty for her sins because He loved her.


then He told her to "GO AND SIN NO MORE."

you see, it's not a LOVE issue.  it's a self control issue.  sex was designed by God as a means to create a family and bond it together.

our sinful natures have made it into everything and anything anyone wants it to  be.

do I judge the homosexual?  in the biblical sense?  do I condemn them?  in other words.....

am I deciding their fate for all eternity?   no, i'm not.

God is the judge and all will be judged and either condemned or redeemed based on their faith in Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

can I be saved through Jesus from eternal punishment and still sin?  yes, i can.

therefore.................a homosexual can be saved, however, they will have to falsely interpret or totally disregard scripture if they want to continue being unrepentant of that sin.  this will lead to them suffering in body and spirit and also potentially causing others (christians)  to stumble in their walk.

if they remain unrepentant and militant, and prideful regarding their sin, then their salvation must be questioned and their theology considered false.

these are the most dangerous people because they can lead others astray in the name of Christ.


should we as Christians LOVE all people?  yes.

should we follow them blindly and quietly down a path of destruction?  no.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

screen obsession

disclaimer:  i have wanted to live a tv free life for at least the last 20 years.  i'll probably never get my wish, but i can dream......................

this post is about that & the way the world is now a days with all this "connectiveness"


detached.........but connected.

facebook, twitter, instagram

likes, comments, followers, friends?

television, netflix, cable, 24 hour news, talking heads

watching people do stuff and go places instead of doing or going

watching fiction, fantasy, recreations, crime dramas.......aliens, bigfoots, monsters........

ignoring your kids, families, friends, strangers, obligations

to stare at a screen.....

        a black box on the wall


                                         in your hand

                                                     on your lap

no conversations

just the tapped out words on a screen


     the endless blabbing on

mute the life in the box, but don't turn it off

screen relationships are easier.  you can walk away when you tire of it.  don't have to invest too much of yourself.

to know more about what's going on in the world

                  than you do about the people right in front of you

to seemingly care more about what a stranger on a screen has to say than what the person

right there with you has to say.

it's a shame........................

tune out.......................turn off...............................LOOK UP!!!!!!

set a timer

have a life

i'm really hoping that there is no television in Heaven.

i fantasize daily about bashing the television to bits with a baseball bat....................................

Sunday, March 15, 2015

our grandsons

we've got five of them!

 joe, (center) he's the oldest at 3 1/2.  brown hair with a double cowlick and brown eyes. he smiles with his eyes and crinkles up his nose and little mouth.  when he's really excited about something he will hop from foot to foot and clasp his hands.  he does that a little less as he gets older.  he absolutely loves to cuddle up and be read to or to watch "tunes" (cartoons).  he remembers everything you tell him.  he gets jokes and sarcasm already.  he seems to be growing like a weed--tall and thin.

ethan(right end), he comes second at 2 1/2.  he is our little towheaded whirlwind!  he is learning and testing his limits daily.  he is fearless and wild while at the same time he is sweet and kind.  he does have a devious & raspy laugh! and he loves to get a rise out of someone!  cars of all kinds are his favorite toy.  we love to see his smiling face in the window when we come down the driveway!

luke (green stripe shirt) is third at about 17 months.  he is our little tough guy.  he doesn't take anything from anyone.  he holds his own with the big boys.  and how to describe his smile? he always seems like he is up to something!  he is also the snuggliest and huggiest of all the boys--he hugs you tight and hangs on!

charlie (left end) is fourth and he is 14 months old.  he is very serious and contemplative.  he is content to do his own thing and he is very guarded of his personal space.  he is slow to warm up to you but when he does you are his friend!  when we come to visit he runs up to me and puts up his arms to be picked up and it makes me just melt!

calvin (dark blue shirt) is fifth in line and he is 13 months old.  he is the only one that is not quite walking yet.  when this boy smiles--watch out!  he smiles with his whole face and his laughter is contagious.  he is also quiet and cautious, but when he finally starts to walk we will probably see that change.

these boys are what make life wonderful and we are so blessed to have them in our lives.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

get out your bible and check up on that

it is a difficult thing when you have to make the decision to walk away from your family.  it is not something anyone does lightly.  in my case it was years in the coming.  one baby step at a time until one day i realized that i didn't want to keep rebuilding the bridges between our lives.

i my case it comes down to this:

i am a bible believing christian
i refuse to bow to the gods of this world
i refuse to think, act, or believe as they do


i am wrong
i am the hypocrite
i am the "bad" one

i understand where they are coming from.

i really do.

i have compassion on them for their brokenness

i really do.

we all suffer brokenness at times, but the way to healing is not by demeaning others. it is by seeking the healing that Jesus offers.

to my family, and to the world in general


i don't have to say a word. but the way i have lived and continue to live my life causes them to feel judged.
i'm a hater because i refuse to think , believe, or act as they do.
in their eyes i am not allowed to have the beliefs and convictions that i have.


they throw the Bible at me.........satan's most favorite form of deceit!

**love the Lord God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength. deut. 6:5

EVERYTHING in my life flows out of this portion of scripture.

i try not to take it personally when i am attacked for who i am.
and who i am is


it is difficult to blame broken people who desperately try to affirm themselves when no one else will.

it is difficult to even defend yourself against those who try to use the Bible as a means to attack rather than a means to convict.

i feel it is God's will for my life to cut the ties.  however, i feel it is also God's desire that i continue to pray for their salvation.  Jesus came to pay the penalty for the sins of us ALL.  but it is up to us to accept the fact that we are sinners in need of a savior.

the bottom line is this:

i love God more than anything or anyone in this world.  and i could write volumes on how this can and does impact our lives and relationships.


do i need to get out my Bible and check up on that?

the answer is YES!!

and i do so daily.

Friday, February 6, 2015

my thoughts on being a "cult leader"

i am a bible believing christian.
my parent(s) and siblings(except for one) and their families are unsaved, worldly people.

they refer to me as the "cult leader" because i raised my family different than they did theirs.

to my unsaved family members, our christian beliefs and worldview bothers them.  they have to defend their choices by trying to tear mine apart.

and they have plenty of company on that wide road that leads to destruction.

while i, on the other hand, have tried to lead my family to the narrow path that leads to life.
and here we will stay.  set apart.  living daily to try to please our Lord and Savior.

our goal in life is not to look like the rest of the world and to please them.  sorry.

i wasn't sure how i felt about the title "cult leader", so i looked up the definition of
cult:  devoted attachment to a person, principle.

hmmmm.  yeah, it fits.  i have a devoted attachment to Jesus Christ and the word of God.

i have fully accepted the responsibility given to me by God to teach and lead my children.
and now my work isn't done.  there is another generation that needs me to help lead them.
this is my work until God leads me home.

i am proud of my family.  i give God all of the praise and glory for every blessing we enjoy and for every lesson we have learned, and continue to learn.

i know what parenting without God's guidance looks like and feels like because that is how I grew up.
no child should ever have to navigate the perils of growing up on their own.
children are not an inconvenience of life that need to be managed.  they are gifts from God and should be loved and led back to Him.

"cult leader"
i'm proud of that title
it tells me that my family does not look like all of the rest
and for that i am thankful

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

legacy and hope for the future

my father died on january 1st

this is the speech i gave at the prayer service

*I'm not grieving for the loss of my father.
I'm not sad that he is gone.
My father was a stranger to me.
And I was a stranger to him.
I decided early on to follow a different path.
I guess you could say that I longed for something I didn't have.
I took it all in and purposed to not make the mistakes with my precious family that my father had made with his.

I chose the narrow path that leads to life.
I decided to follow Jesus.
I gave Him my life, my  marriage, and my family.
It hasn't always been an easy road and I've made my share of mistakes along the way.
But I never lost my purpose and my focus.
What it has been is a road of peace and love and forgiveness, if not in my extended family, then for sure in my immediate family.
I have learned so much in this life, but it is a journey and I am not finished learning yet.

I don't want to speak negative words today.
The past is gone.
We have this moment.  Right now.
To make a decision that will not only transform your life, but the lives of those around you.
I've prayed for the salvation of my extended family members for so long. And I will never stop praying and hoping.

I've watched a brother die and not have an assurance that he heard our death bed pleas for him to give his heart to Jesus.

I've watched another brother come to accept the truth after a lifetime of searching for what was missing.  And I've also watched him not fully embrace all that is offered or required of him, until now.

I've watched other siblings struggle through life without direction.  Trying to fill the emptiness with everything else the world has to offer.  Just trying to find the validation of their worth, even if it meant demeaning anothers worth.

And now I watch the next generation go through the same struggles.
It makes me sad to think of their pain, but I know that Jesus is right here.
Waiting patiently for them.
My prayer and hope for all of my family is for them to realize that this is about eternity.
This is about forever.
Our time here is so short.
What a blessing it is when God allows you to get a taste of the peace and joy He has in store for us all.
It is possible.  It is our choice.
We can choose to acknowledge our need of a father.  A father who won't ever fail us.  A father who loves us unconditionally,  walks beside us each and every day of our lives, and has prepared a place for us, with Him, forever.

Just take His hand and let Him lead you.

As for my father, I may have had a sign.
A glimmer of hope in his forever story.
A week before he died I received a text  and this is what it said:
priest came in yesterday and dad had confession and communion.  He talked to the priest for a long time.  He has seemed more at peace since the visit.
As I read this text to Jeff, a music box sitting up on the shelf began to play.  The song was Oh Holy Night
Long lay the world, in sin and error, pining, till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

I have a hope that Jesus appeared to my father and that he ran into His arms